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October 28, 2005, 4:19 pm
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The Sunstitute Netiquette
by F-Artists Productions
gazillions_of_tavarishes@use_with_cameras_on_their_foreheads is not
my style of building at use:
How are you.
Where are you going?
I can't say. (pointing at camera)
Ah, at use, tavarish.
(going on their ways)
At use, tavarish!
Good day at use!
I see you are jolly today!
Quite indeed, jolly jolly, thank you.
Can I ask a question?
Is it of any use?
Go ahead, tell me.
So who is usenet for?
For us, of course, who else.
And who are we?
We are at use!
At use tavarish.
At use indeed! Jolly on!
Child getting his first 'at use' forehead camera.
Child touching camera on his forehead: Mommy, who made us
Mommy: Well, AT USE made us like this. Congratulations.
You are now officially at use. At use! (waving bye), go to
the streets, go go, try out your new camera, and I'll check
you right here on our home computer, an AT USE compatible
computer, at use my child!
Child: At use mommy!
Kid goes out to the street. He is seeing a group of people
telling a tavarish: "Tavarish, you are not allowed on this
street any more. You are plunked, and killfiled, and we are
making an official record of the event. Please take your now
humiliated life at use elsewhere. You are of "no more use here
Someone on the street: Hey kid, be a good boy at use, you don't
want to end up like that man over there, being thrown out of
this street. At use, kid!
Kid: Thank you for the advice, at use, tavarish.
"I am simply throwing out the old AT USE oriented netiquette,
and I say no more 'at use' *cameras* on net streets on people's
foreheads. Welcome to the the new netiquette."
September, 24th, 1981...
One day a scientist noticed strange radiation readings from the Sun.
He was working on Amsterdam Island, an island so far away from
civilization, that only one large boat stops by there once a year.
So people who stop go to that Island must stay there at least for
a year. The small island consists of a single volcano mountain
coming out of the ocean. In a sense its like astronauts going out
to space, so people who go there to work have similar trainings
and psychological tests as astronauts.
So as I was saying, one scientist who was working on that island
together with 30 people living and working on that island, one
day noticed strange radiation measurements from the Sun.
He calculated, that the radiation level is gradually increasing
little by little, almost at undetectable levels...
Meanwhile Howard Stern at DC 101 FM Radio Station Wagon Dragon in
Washington DC turned psychic while he was on the Radio.
"This is Howard Stern at DC 101 FM Radio Station Wagon Dragon, and
this is: another one bytes the dust! By Queen..."
Suddenly a gazillion UFO-s appeared somewhere in the Californian
desert, and Howard became psychic. He suddenly started sensing of
what was happening. So he began talking about UFO-s on his show.
At the same time calls began coming in about spotting large numbers
of UFO-s in California. Howard came up with a complex story of
what was happening. He said he sensed a lot of UFO-s arriving to
Earth, but what was strinking, is that he sensed that the creatures
that arrived were not aliens, but humans. So as the talk show about
UFO-s was going on for days...
22 years later in 2003, San Francisco...
A young man wakes up, dresses up, and before he leaves home, he
puts up a webcam on his head. He introduces himself to people
on the street and hands out Sunstitute broshures. He is asking
people to carry webcams on their heads, and the broshure
explains that the camera is connected wirelessly to the
Internet using cellular telephone technologies, and a company
called Sunstitute records everything from those cameras to their
servers that happens to these people during the day, and based
on the data builds a powerful virtual reality application.
This latest virtual reality technology is high tech and kept highly
secret by this company. Then he handed a virtual reality glasses
to these people on the street to show them a sample of what
this company does...
20 years later, 2023, Sunstitute Cafe, Sydney, Australia...
People are walking into the Cafe, with little cameras on their
Someone: At use, citizen!
Reply: At use mate!
People at the Cafe are zoned out with virtual reality glasses.
Two guys are sitting next to each other in the Cafe and talking
using virtual world. They are planning to take a trip from Sydney
to Irelend, walking. So one of them has a world globe on the
screen, and he draws a path through the countries where he thinks
they should take the trip. They argued about a few a countries,
they couldn't agree on the countries, so one of them drew a
straight line from Sydney to Ireland. They agreed, took off
their virtual reality glasses and left the Cafe.
The next morning they took off walking...
This virtual reality world consists of recreations of popular
hangouts where people meet. At one of these virtual street
hangout places a group of people are arguing and a fight breaks
out. A large group of people are trying to get rid of someone.
They are telling him to leave and never come back... Two people
involved in this mass 'virtual street fight' are seen sitting
in a coutch in a Sunstitute Cafe and are heard screaming into
their microphone using ugly words. They are laying comfortably
in the coutch, eating popcorn, and they are screaming heavily
and pointing fingers everywhere as they are arguing...
A kid comes out from his home to the street. On his forehead
the small camera. His mother screams at him: Take that camera
off immediately! He doesn't want to. She rips it off
his forehead forcefully...
The boy tells his mother as he leaves: Who cares anyway. At
Mother: If I see you again with the virtual stuff, you will
be on house arrest for a month!
The boy runs away, to his friend's house...
Latest news: Sunstitute announced that they are starting a
new virtual reality project as they are already loading up
millions of movies into their virtual reality system, so
people can play and become part in any Hollywood movie
themselves. Hollywood responded by sueing Sunstitute for
mass copyright infringement... Sunstitute responded that
they respect all film copyrights, and happy to work out
all differences with the film copyright holders. Meanwhile
they continue uploading all films in the world. Sunstitute
says they will soon turn all movie experiences into a
virtual reality experience in a matter of just few months...
Copyright lawyers around the world responded that Sunstitute
should not infringe on copyright, and not just that they
shouldn't copy copyrighted movies into their system, but
that they are breaking the law and can't do what they are
doing by literally steeling films.
As always, Sunstitute responded that they respect all laws
and their fans are very enthusiastic in this new project.
Lawyers noted that Sunstitute may be bit too passionate.
Sunstitute stock rised more than two thousand today on
Nasdaq, to over thirty thousand and seven hundred for
each of their stock...
Spielberg with white hair: They are going to jail. But
the world is so blind from all these new technologies,
so maybe they won't notice.
At the end, Sunstitute paid billions of dollars to Hollywood
companies for their copyright infringments. The movie
project continued and was a huge public success...
He is working at Sunstitute, and he is watching the net with
a camera on his forehead... And he has two hearts, one running
green blood, and the other, purple. He has makeup, as he came
from the future and arrived on September 24th, 1981. In his
world, the radiation was too high, and he even grew a tail, for
releasing radioactive isotopic waste. White skin, with green
spots, a survival evolutionary process, turning the survivors
into lizards, with lizard skin, withstanding constant nuclear
explosions, and living there. Naked. And all the species were
diminished, but humans. There was no way to survive...
there was not even bacteria any more.
And his toung pops out of his mouth, and wipes the monitor.
All in a second.
"Don't be wicked" is Sunstitute's logo. They have a secret.
They are incompatible. Quite a secret. We need to live with
them, and we should try not to be wicked with them. We need to
They have adapted to living in harsh conditions, they are harsh
violent beings, and they can choke people with their lizard
toungs. Their toungs can go into people's mouths, and down
into their stomachs and they can rip out intestines. A touch
of their radioactive tails would result in almost instand
death, as people's blood molecules would break down, and
solidify into red sand...
Another group of beasts lived along with mankind for thousands
of years. Where they came from, nobody knew. They kept their
identity secret. There were myths about beasts living on this
Earth, Count Drakula is one story, a baron who supposedly drank
human blood. Well, just as with the Lockness Monster and the
giant see squids, these stories often have reality behind them.
The difference between these beasts and Count Drakula story
(which from transformed to ridiculous fairytales describing
them as bat people), is that these beasts had only two vampire
teeth, not four, and only on the bottom side of their teeth.
Some say the beasts came from the time, developing secret
formulas in ancient Egypt, where they saught The Formula for
eternal life and found many sideffects, allowing genetical
transformations. They kept their identities as a society living
here on Earth in secret, and they guard their secrets and
above-human powers, Egyptian style.
Michael Jackson, a psychic sensed them, and sang about them,
and tried to transform himself, so they would come to him in
hope that they would accept him into their society. The
thriller of the beasts, the thriller of the night, the thriller
of the ancient ones. Poor Michael, the beasts never came to
Times changed. Or have they? Why did the beasts gather from
around the world in Ireland in August of 2005, the same month
the IRA quit?
Some say they needed the IRA's camp for the event, and threw
out the IRA...
Some beasts can walk through walls. They do not fly like bats
in the night. They disappear in the night. Through walls.
Warewalls, with two lower beast teeth, signalling when their
beastly powers kick in.
They can jump very high. They can do
moves like the people in Matrix with ease. They can grab and
hold onto walls like Spiderman.
Their hands can sink into the surface of the wall, just barely.
Then, if they choose, they can slip into the wall, and disappear...
While being beasts, their body gains shapeshifting properties,
allowing them to become one with nature, though not one flew
as a bat before, per say.
"A single bite on the neck by the beasts to the necks of
these two-hearted Sunstitute creatures from the future - and
while their green and blue bood first squirts into the air,
they melt into a shapeshifter's goo on the ground, unable to
handle the Egyptian shapeshifting aspects taking over their
phisiologies. But Sunstitute has their unique powers from the
future as well, they have a time machine and UFO-s, and
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you have ever heard as it lifts its tail.
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Jay: I can see, humanity has chosen to stand up, and beat that
corrupt institution, together.
Greg, looking at the news on TV: with an army of skunks?
Google employee: What's that out there, boss?
Boss: Some animal?
Employee: Wait, there is more over there. And more! They are
coming from every direction!
Boss: SKUNKS! Millions of them!
Employee: I can hear them farting in herds!
In the news: In an unexplained phenomena, millions of skunks
have gathered around Google, Inc. in Mountain View, California.
They are giving out a sound heard 20 miles away. All smokers
are asked to stay away from the area due to the high levels
methane concentration in the air in the region...
Riporter from the helicopter, holding his nose: We are seeing
millions of skunks! Wait we are seeing, oh my god! A gigantic
Another reporter: Just in! The skunks identified themselves
as a skunk species arriving from Earth from the future...
(see the Netiquette Sunstitute story)
They are the terminator skunks. Robotic skunks, part flesh,
part robot, who came back from the future to terminate
Sunstitute, Inc, whose members also came back from the future.
As biological life died out in the future from the high
radiation, a robotic engineered society took over. The
remnants, or remnancies of humanity traveled back to 1981,
though highly deformed and mutated from the radiation, they
settled and established a secret society among us. They
established Sunstitute Inc, a virtual reality application
company that took fame and control of humanity and its mind.
The bio-robotic skunks arrived to terminate this society and
preserve the future of skunkdom.
Skunkzilla: "We are the skunks of the future. We brought
you souvenirs. Farting pens."
"Take off those virtual reality glasses, man." - a beast
shook on his shoulder in the IRA camp.
Beast 2 taking off the glasses: "What?"
Beast 1: "We're going somewhere."
Beast 2: The Sunstitute Netiquette, that's a pretty good
title. I say that. You should check it out.
Arriving to gathering:
Boss Beast: Here is the situation: They live a life of no
privacy. There is no point of privacy in the future where
they came from. Life was dieing out. There was no point in
hiding in their skunk holes, though somehow only the skunks
survived. They are the perfect beings, the winner of the
evolutionary survival. Some scientist, I think, built the
first bio-robot-skunk as he was dieing, and that was it!
Robotic skunks soon took over the planet, and sent the remnant
humanity into exile, where they built a time machine...
Boss Beast concludes: So our job is to prevent the war
between Sunstitute and the robo-skunks. Thank you! Now let's
sit down, and listen to the show...
Narrator Beast quietly: As all the beasts sat down, an
orchestra of beasts began playing Beethoven. Beasts, not to
forget Drakula, are romantic beings. But more, another time,
if you get it!
Beast 3: Of course we get it! Shut up, beast! We are trying
to listen, if you mind!
Narrator Beast: You shut up! You should listen to the elder.
Drakula: Sissssss. (everybody quieted, turned forward and
listened to the concert in the deserted IRA camp).
Their faces resembled historic times. A young beast was
chewing on a fart pen. The audience turned into a black and
white 1920 silent film.
Narrator beast: Drakula's people are sitting in an IRA camp,
listening to the music, and far away, Michael Jackson is
sitting by his window, alone, waiting for the beasts to
arrive one day. The beasts are sitting, listening to
Klavierkonzert Nr. 3. As always!
An English vampir: I beg your pardon? Quite not always,
sir. Stop lieing about us, if you don't mind, please sit
down, and quiet.
As the beasts listened, and the concert went on, a girl in
the audience closed her eyes, and trees appeared, birds flying,
and as the cameraman looked down, The Sunstitute building
appeared. People in Sunstitute were shown screaming at the
window while holding their noses, as millions of
robo-skunks lined up standing in silence....
Skunkzilla with a Hitler face opened her mouth, and spoke,
with a silent subtitle:
"Come out and surrender, or we'll raise the fart by a thousand
skunks every hour!"
People in Sunstitute were choking and crying, and took off their
clothes, exposing their mutated bodies with green and purple
veins running through their bony bodies.
A million black birds appeared and rotated above the building
in large crowds. Drakula was flying, behind him the army of
beasts, and sissing his mouth, showing his angry teeth, he
landed down to the front of the building, and faced the skunks.
The skunks blew a large brown clowd at him. He opened his arms
and like bird's wings, blew the cloud back with his swings. The
other beasts joined in with the bird swinging, surrounding the
whole building. The people in the building were feeling that
the air was making it back into the building again.
October 27, 2005. F-artist Productions reached its carrier
The fart cloud grew ever greater. The battle went on. Skunkzilla
blew the greatest farts at Drakula, which was so loud, that it
created an Earthquake and even tornadoes appeared. The San
Francisco area was covered in brown fume, people were evacuating
the city in panic. Other luckier ones were wearing gas masks.
At one time the beasts were flattened to the wall of the building
from the winds, and couldn't hardly flap any more, and they
slipped in and disappeared through the wall and entered Sunstitute.
They rushed to save the humanoid creatures from robo-skunk
Drakula and his beasts began flying the creatures out and landing
them to safety, and back.
The creatures in the building were laying on the floors, breething
with difficulties, and the evacuation went on dramatically.
Meanwhile some boy far away, was playing with a small fart pen
in school. (a little fart)
Sunstitute UFO-s appeared and began transporting their people
out of the building. They accidentally transported a few beasts
too. Other UFO-s were shooting at the robo skunks. The beasts
are flying around the building, in the midst of a sea of black
birds, brown fumes and UFO-s were shooting into the chaos as
in Star Wars.
The battle of fart lasted for days. The beasts finally managed
to stop the war between the robo-skunks and Sunstitute, the
human remnants of the future, settled among us.
Everybody appologized for the misunderstanding, and everybody
lived happily ever after. The beasts returned to their homes,
and the robo-skunks never bothered Sunstituters again.
End of Part 1