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- Posted on
August 16, 2005, 5:19 pm
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Are You British ? (Was Re: affiliates)
As part of an effort to crack down on terrorist activity within
Britain, Prime Minister Tony Blair has instituted a new series of
tests that any applicant for British citizenship must pass:
- The ability to express the full range of human emotion by gentle
- The ability to detect when what is intended is the completely
opposite meaning from what is being said.
- The ability to admire and enjoy both losing and losers.
- The ability to recognize whether not talking about money means the
speaker is wealthy, or poor.
- The ability to drink a full pint of warm, flat beer
(non-alcoholic beer is permitted, but in this case two pints must be
- The ability to complement the cook after consuming a dinner of cold
mashed potatoes, cold peas, and cold burnt meat.
- The ability to instinctively know if it's tea first or milk first.
- The ability to praise the French while clearly indicating that
since 1066 they've pretty much been a bunch of losers.
- The ability to praise the Americans while clearly indicating that
they got lucky that one time in the late 1700s.
- The ability to colour in red those bits of the globe that still
should properly belong to Britain (extra credit if the United States is
- The ability to utter the phrase 'The British Way of Life' without
cracking even the hint of a smile.
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