Usenet Beavis: This is your life[tm]!

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The Usenet Beavis was born into a poor farmer's family
( ).  Growing up on a farm is probably
how he acquired his love of farm animals ( ).  He was
a very shy child, without much social skills, his only best friend was
Bigfoot ( ).

After he lost his innocence to Xena, the Warrior Princess
( ), Beavis left home to seek fame and fortune on his
own.  He quickly got hooked up with the Heaven's Gate UFO cult
( ), where he learned how to be a skilled dental
surgeon ( ).

After bidding goodbye to his cult friends, Beavis went to the big city, where
he quickly learned how to be an elite hacker ( ),
an expert on computer viruses ( ), a system security
expert ( ), and a search engine expert
( ).

Despite all his skills, Beavis has been utterly powerless against his
arch-nemesis, his Moriarty, his eternal enemy who has hounded him to the
ends of the Earth ( ).  This endless pursuit has
driven him stark raving bonkers.  At his last wits, nearly driven insane,
he turned to illicit drugs as an escape from his miserable, wretched
existence, with predictable results ( ).

And this, Usenet Beavis, is your life
( ).

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